Veronica’s severe trauma, Heather’s vacillating faith

Three days after her win against Veronica Lillegard, Heather Barker enters the emergency unit in a London hospital, where the Norwegian was taken after suffering a concussion.

The Canadian asked her former opponent if she could pay visit before leaving London. She replied: “Of course. Please come.”

The White Swan is modestly dressed. Now is not the time to showboat fashionista skills. She wants to see how Veronica is doing, and she is hoping to hear a positive answer.

Heather enters the room to find a woman who is lying, but awake. “She’ll be okay, right? This can’t be the end of her.”

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Veronica: “Hi! I’m glad you made it. Thanks for coming, and caring.”

They have a light embrace before the Canadian stays close to the bed, ready for a conversation she has been nervous about.

Heather: “How are you?”

Veronica: “Not too bad right now. Only a light headache. I received medication to keep those under control.”

Heather: “Um. Assuming that you were examined?”

Veronica: “I had a full checkup, with a scan. I’m sure you’d like to hear good news, but don’t get your hopes up.”

Heather frowns and braces for something negative.

Retirement

Veronica: “I suffered a Grade 3 concussion. Severe brain trauma. Luckily, no bleeding. I’ll be okay for a regular life, but the doc ordered me to retire from boxing. A few more punches to the head could do a lot more damage, or even kill me. All forms of contact sports are out.”

The visitor looks down. She feels ashamed that her fists did that much damage.

Heather: “I’m so sorry. Had I known…”

Veronica: “You couldn’t have known. Don’t try to second-guess after the fact. I don’t remember everything from the fight, but I remember punching you in the face and enjoying it. I was trying to hurt you, and you did your job by winning.”

Only a sigh comes out of the Canadian.

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Heather: “I don’t know if I can keep boxing after this.”

Veronica: “I wouldn’t appreciate it if you were to quit. That would be so disrespectful.”

Heather: “What do you mean?”

Veronica: “My career is over and now you’ll throw everything away by quitting? Did I get brain trauma for absolutely nothing?”

Heather: “I don’t know what to tell you, Veronica. It hurts to find out that I’ve ended your career. I feel so guilty.”

Veronica: “Don’t be ridiculous. We all know the risks when we step into the ring. All it takes is one punch, at the right time, to injure or do even worse. It’s why we get antsy before the bell rings. We don’t know how we’ll come out.”

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Don’t dishonour me

Heather: “You have to understand…”

Veronica: “I do, but don’t insult me by retiring. Think of people who join the army. Why are they ready to sacrifice their lives? Because they love what they do, and hope it will serve a cause. As a fighter, I don’t really have a cause, but I refuse to sacrifice myself for nothing. You have to carry on.”

The purplehead looks away for a moment. She doesn’t know what to think.

Veronica: “Look at me. When I think of it, there are no regrets. I was a good boxer, a European champion, but I met someone who is too strong. If you quit over this, you’ll feel regret every day of your life, and I’ll resent it. Is that what you want?”

Heather: “Um, no.”

Veronica: “Don’t you dream of being a champion?”

Heather: “Well, yeah.”

Veronica: “Then don’t dishonour me. Promise, right here, that you’ll continue. I’m not letting you off the hook. The left hook, that is.”

The Swan suppresses a laugh due to that dark pun, and Veronica smiles.

Heather: “You won’t take no for an answer, eh?”

Veronica: “Obviously not. You must continue, Heather. I’ll cheer for you.”

Something more

Heather: “Ok. I’ll do it. But…”

Veronica: “What?”

Heather: “It’s just… I can’t just move on without doing something more.”

Veronica: “Didn’t you tell me, prior to the fight, that you are religious and involved in social causes back in Canada?”

Heather: “Yeah.”

Veronica: “Then, do something to raise money for an organisation that helps people with brain trauma. I got excellent care and I’ll live fine, but there are people in worse condition. They need help. I can support your efforts.”

Heather: “That’s a deal. We can do this and stay in touch, right?”

Veronica: “We need to. I’m part of your life now.”

Heather: “I’m a little surprised that you’re taking it this well.”

Veronica: “Believe me when I say that I cried the entire night after getting my diagnosis. I could stay sad and angry, but will it change a thing? No. Life goes on. What we can do is take action and help others. Let’s do it together. That will make a difference.”

The Canadian nods, but she has to leave as the doc comes in for a talk with Veronica. They part ways on that promise.

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Unhappy return

The White Swan leaves the hospital and joins her coach Sylvie Chouinard in town. They pack their bags and make their way to the airport.

The talk with Veronica was somewhat uplifting, but Heather is still shaken as the plane takes them from London to Montréal. The boxer is in no mood for further talk and her trainer respects the need for silence. She does, however, look on with concern.

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The pair lands at the Montréal international airport. To her surprise, Heather has a handful of fans waiting at the arrivals area. She gives a few autographs and selfies.

Sylvie tells her protégée to take a couple of weeks off to recuperate. She encourages her to go to church to find peace of mind.

The next day, Heather wakes up around 4:00 in the morning. She can’t sleep because her thoughts are in a turmoil. Coffee, a small breakfast and a shower precede a visit to the Cathédrale Notre-Dame, which is empty at this time of the day.

The Canadian has replayed the fight many times the day before. She fought fairly. Veronica did her best, but the tenacious swan was unstoppable. The ref stepped in when necessary. Nobody in that ring did anything wrong. Now’s the time for a confrontation with the one she deems responsible for this situation.

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A scrap with God

Heather walks to the front benches and takes a seat.

What follows is not a prayer. It’s a lecture.

God,

Every time I get into the ring, I put my fate and that of my opponent in your hands.

Every time, I pray to ask you to protect us from harm, and you haven’t done it this time.

You have failed me.

She tries to fight against the tears, but it’s a lost battle. Inner anger and sadness come out.

I never failed you, and you have failed me.

You have betrayed me although I put my faith and trust in you.

How can I ever trust you in the future? Why am I even here, in this cathedral, sharing my thoughts when you have ignored my prayers?

Everyone deserves forgiveness and a second chance, but you took that away from Veronica.

Why have you done this?

Why?

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Heather cries softly for a few minutes. She doesn’t know what role God will play in her life in the future. All she knows is that she is determined to keep boxing, and to find a way to help victims of brain trauma.

I can’t help everyone whose life you have spoiled this way, but I will do my best to undo some of the damage.

Believe me, I’ll do it.

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Heather Barker Veronica Lillegard
Heather Barker
Heather Barker
A religious, caring and ambitious woman from Canada, now based in Marseille. One of the most tenacious boxers in the sport.